Drop of Water

Monika Woods

Seeing today that my dog was walking 

his head down to the ground

his tongue skimming the wet grass as he drank the dew

Droplets sat complete on his snout like freckles 

He got a few mouthfuls that way

reminding me of something ingenious my child did once 

I told myself don’t forget 

I didn’t have a way to write it down 

I did forget, but not the feeling

The euphoric recognition of being myself again

not only noticing, but appreciating 

(I’m not the same when they’re alone)

Identity is not a drop of water

Everyone has a nomadic lost self they reference constantly

to be like, am I still them? 

My memory is worsening 

Maybe that would have devastated my nomadic past self

but my brain is helping me be happier now

Remembering wasn’t neutral to be honest

That doesn’t mean I’m not sad 

I can’t remember how my dog reminded me of my son 

The sun actually reflected off those drops of water! 

It was one of those moments you do remember

and understand as healing

Not like all the things you put up with then 

that shame you now 

Those things are not neutral in their remembering

In a dream I realized life is chance.

I regret not having a video 

of my dog carrying water on his nose

And I regret not knowing 

what his little tongue skimming the perfect dew

reminded me of

Symptoms of the same problem

my brain maybe not understanding 

what to protect me from and what to let me have

Maybe I couldn’t have it

Maybe I couldn’t have survived with it 

Identity is not a drop of water but it can evaporate 

Once, I needed to walk the same route every day

Home to the subway to the office to the subway then home 

Now I just want to be outside, walking

Awake awake awake awake awake 

Awake awake awake awake awake 

Awake awake awake awake smiling 

I did mourn in the shower among all those drops of water 

It must be time to just be clear again 

The best way for me to stop feeling something is to get close to it

Monika Woods is a literary agent, writer, editor, and founder of Triangle House. She lives in Brooklyn and Springs, NY with her husband and son.